Weed Your Sisterhood
Last time we talked about creating a sisterhood of supportive women who will help you reach your life goals. These are YOUR people. They might look, sound and act differently than the friend groups you see on television ads for tampons or adult diapers (seriously, ad creators, can’t you think of another reason to show women together smiling and having fun?), and that’s okay. We know our people when we meet them, our heart recognizes them regardless of their outside appearance.
YOUR people are the ones who make you feel calm, safe and energized. Like together you can save the world, or at least your little corner of it. Is your sisterhood composed solely of people who make you feel this way? No? That’s what boundaries are for—to create a very clear space that invites YOUR people in and keeps others moving on to their own clear space. YOUR people are the ones who have earned the right to hear your story.
We all have people in our friend group that are perhaps leftover from a former version of ourselves. They are a little more judgmental or dramatic than feels comfortable, but we don’t cull them because we don’t want to make anyone mad. I’m going to say this in the most loving and respectful way—that’s a crappy way to run your life! Whether or not other people are mad at you is none of your business. If you are a kind, generous person who wants to make the world a more compassionate place, and your actions reflect that, how other people react has no bearing. YOUR people will react with kindness. If someone thinks you’ve done something underhanded or gets offended, then they don’t know you very well or trust you. You could invest a bunch of time and energy trying to convince them, OR you could just let them go find their own people.
The kindest, most direct way to weed your sisterhood garden is to not engage with those leftover friends who are no longer YOUR people. Let them go. You don’t need to actively do anything but be honest and direct with them. Refuse to engage in their drama. Use language that is clear, “I’m not sure why you’re upset. I didn’t do or say anything I thought was offensive. I think you misunderstood.” And then move on. Don’t play the blame/shame game, because no one wins. Stay true to the highest best version of yourself and keep only those friends who do the same.
This direct approach may lose some acquaintances, and you might be lonely for awhile. But that space allows YOUR people to find you. And acting like the highest and best version of yourself allows YOUR people to recognize you. Continue to tell the truth and be very good to yourself, and you will project a calm aura that will attract your true sisters—or just come to Girl Power Station and start a meaningful conversation with a new sisterhood! What traits will you weed out of your relationships? Drop me a line at terrif@findyourpride.org or write it on the Big Board at GPS.
