My introduction to fitness was watching my father jog for miles in his army boots, as I thought, “What’s THAT about?” It was the first time I had seen someone sweat on purpose just to get strong. My father passed on a connection to sweat as a form of meditation, but it didn't kick in right away.
I was a chubby kid who fell in love with riding horses. Being in the saddle soaring over jumps was pure joy for my little 10 year old spirit. As I aged and began to show horses, I discovered that I was different. I couldn’t find boots to fit my calves, and for the first time, my body was a problem.
Big legs were bad, and it was up to me to change them. That was a pretty nasty thought for a pre-teen, and it started a lifetime of trying to change my body to be more pleasing to others. Exercise was steeped in vanity and acceptance–it was about the form of my body, not the function.
And thus began a slide into disordered eating and sweating to trim excess adipose tissue. My teens through my 30s was a harrowing time when all I really wanted was the joy I felt atop my horse, the feeling of strength I found in being one with nature.
I now realize that fitness is not about vanity as much as it is about the health of my spirit. It’s not as connected to weight loss as it is to clarity and confidence GAIN.
During a nasty divorce that took a painful 18 months to complete, I started doing triathlons as a way to pass the weekends that my babies were with their bio-dad (my husband is their daddy). I would ride for 30-45 miles on a weekend to quiet the worry over their welfare. It was a contemplative experience, just me, my bike, and the road. For the first time in ages sweating had nothing to do with my appearance.
And now at nearly 63 riding my bike makes me feel powerful again, and my need to be in single digit clothing is fading. It just seems pointless to whinge about the form of my body. It’s a leftover from an ancient time that’s no longer needed, like a vestigial tail!
Next week will reveal if my renewed strength aids in my function as a gramma; I suspect it will. And that’s the driving force of fitness for me now.
When I can separate my body’s form from its function, I can let go of societal norms that don’t pertain to me. I have an inner athlete who doesn’t care about the size of my thighs, just how fast they help me pedal. Following her lead, I will bask in the feeling of strength that results from effort and sweat just because I CAN!
XO
Terri
