For most of my life, my body and brain have been in a tug of war, with my brain finishing victorious most of the time. My head is controlled by an indomitable will I like to call my Viking. She’s obsessed with a mandate to do more, be more productive or die trying (yep, that’s how she talks). My body is much more generous, but when ignored there will be consequences (migraines, illness or a complete lack of energy).

My Viking has been in the driver’s seat for the last month with a mantra of “no excuses, wimp!” as I prepare for a 40 mile bike ride in NYC on May 3rd. When I’m in training mode, that mindset of “just keep pushing” rules my outlook, even with all my study in awareness and acceptance.

While in New Orleans to see the Savannah Bananas, the Viking mandated a strict adherence to my training schedule. I found a Pelaton Bike in our friend’s hotel and went to check my 15 mile ride off the list. I couldn’t find any food before my ride, so I had a heaping teaspoon of almond butter and walked through the pre-dawn streets to the gym. I was a little concerned about my safety alone on the streets, but it turns out that danger was calling from inside the house!

I pedaled without incident for the first 13 ½ miles, which was when the almond butter gave out and my body said “Stop, you’re over-training.” But it didn’t SCREAM at me, and I only had 1 ½ miles to go—so I doubled down and upped the tension. And within 5 minutes I hurt my back…badly.

I know the whole point of training is to push when you feel strong and slow when you’re spent. But the Viking in my head doesn’t know “go slow”. She heard “you’re over-training” and interpreted that as less important than the number on the paper. And I got spanked!

It turns out that if I want to stay strong, the tug-of-war between my indomitable will and my vulnerable body is more like a dance. I know there aren’t two leaders in a partner dance, unless you want to step on toes or fall in a heap, which is exactly what happened to me.

As my dear friend Johannah says, “Humans only really learn by slamming their face on the cement”. Consider me slammed as I go to doctor’s appointments and rest on the floor with my feet on a chair. And this could all have been avoided if I had put my health ahead of my schedule. I realize that if I want to keep dancing until I’m an old lady (which I want more than anything), I must let the body lead! 

XO
Terri