In my new WMCT Master Coach training, there is a concentration on integrity in every action and word. This reminds me of when I studied Buddhism’s tenet of Right Speech in school. For me, this is where drama crashes into integrity.
The foundations of Right Speech include:
1. Abstaining from false speech (speak the truth).
2. Abstaining from slanderous speech (malicious talk).
3. Abstaining from harsh speech (rude, impolite, or abusive language).
4. Abstaining from idle chatter (or gossip).
As a society, we fail miserably at Right Speech, and I'm curious about why. It brings me back to the origins of 850 Elite Volleyball Club in 2015. My dream of building a place that empowered girls landed me smack dab in the middle of Drama. You would think it was from the girls, but it was mostly parents who kept the drama bubbling.
I had a conversation at a tournament that showed me how to apply Right Speech to Drama–I could choose not to partake. A mom was protesting how unfair someone was to her kid, and I could tell she wanted me to jump into the drama and agree with her. I didn’t.
Instead, I validated her pain, “I know it’s always tougher on the parent than on the kid! In coaching, I’ve found that tough situations make kids resilient if we let them figure it out themselves. I know you want to jump in, but it doesn’t help. Use that energy to help yourself stay calm. That will help her more!”
And then I quietly sent her love and changed the subject. It was remarkable! She followed my lead out of the drama, and pretty soon we were having a conversation about stuff that really matters.
It’s tempting to go down the drama rabbit hole. It feels exciting to one-up a juicy story. But don’t you feel a little slimy afterward, like you need a shower? Staying in drama is not the way to build your Girl Power; it just wastes energy. Drama sucks joy. Right speech spreads joy. Choose Right Speech!
When asked to embellish some gossip, choose the words, "It’s not my story to tell." And then change the subject to something funny, weird, or heart-warming. Join me and choose Right Speech over Drama, spread a little joy, and make our world a kinder, more powerful place!
XO
Terri
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