Ahh January, time to make resolutions for a New Year so bright and shiny that anything is possible! I love the idea of a new year, but I’m not a big fan of resolutions, because they have such a rigid duality.
If you keep them, you’re a hero; if you falter by February (like most people), you’re a loser. Reality is just not that black and white.
I believe reality is more like my stained glass window, full of beauty, magic and broken places.
Every morning I write in my journal as I look at the water behind my house. In the foreground of my view is a gorgeous stained glass window that I bought when my baby was still in middle school.
It looks remarkably like my three girls as young women, and it drew me from across the art fair in Bluewater Bay. I could not believe the artist captured my kids without even meeting them! That serendipity makes it my favorite piece of art.
But as my sweet friend, Hannah, said to me one day, “It’s amazing that this beautiful piece started as shards of glass!“ And isn’t that life? You can never tell when a shattering can create something wholly beautiful.
When we returned home from Christmas festivities with the grandkids, I came down with the respiratory plague. I’m on day 7 of meds, and I’m hoping to venture outside the house today!
It’s been a trial of asking for help and trashing expectations of when I “should” be back to “normal”—you know, my version of hell. And this morning I realized, “This is a shattering, and every shattering is important. Cancer, divorce, the death of a loved one, they’re all worth immersion; they’re all part of the art.”
Breaking down isn’t just frustration and pain, it’s time to notice where I am and all that I have.
Because I will heal, and there are so many others who live with chronic illness. I live in a safe, beautiful place with a husband who loves me, and so many others don’t have safety or abiding love.
I don’t need a resolution to guide me, all I need is to recognize the countless gifts, both large and small, that will fill each day of this brand spanking new year.
From a place of noticing what is I can accept the broken places, because we all know that’s where the love shines through!
XO
Terri
